He's Not a Released Experiment
by girfukker6669
Summary: Zim is finally captured! That means Dib has won! ... Right? Now a crossover, including the seemingly unconnected Portal and Pokémon games.
1. ASC2

**A/N: Yay! Slow updates again! **

**But anyways, this story will be split up into a few short chapters, instead of one big one. Good? Good.**

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><p>"<em>Ahahaha<em>! What are you going to do _now_, Dib-stink?" Zim had captured a twelve-year-old Dib inside a steel cage surrounded with lasers. "You cannot do anything to stop the amazing _ZIIIM_!" Zim continued to laugh.

Dib didn't seem all too nervous. "Don't you think you could've done this two years ago, when you first landed here?" The boy took pictures of Zim's base using his laptop, as he had been doing ever since he was shoved into the cage.

"I needed to learn your species's weaknesses first! It goes to show that you _stoopid_ worm-babies don't know the first thing about conquering a planet!"

"Okay, if you know so much, then tell me this: If you were to find the leader of Earth to eliminate him or her, who would you go to?"

"Hm..." Zim thought for a moment. A moment to think by Zim's standards is about five minutes. Dib continued to take pictures. "Aha! I would go to your father, Dib-stink! The smartest man on this ball of dirt has to have a good amount of control."

Dib was surprised by the alien's answer. Not because it was an outlandish idea, but on the contrary: the accurateness was unusual for the generally dim-witted Irken. "Good answer, I guess." As the boy said this, a plan showed itself in his mind. "So, if you knew this, why wouldn't you try to get to him? Getting rid of leadership can destroy a nation." Dib hoped Zim would take the bait.

"Yes, Dib-stink! Your idea just became the downfall of your entire species! Since this man is your father, you shall take me, the almighty _ZIM!_, to him immediately!"

The lasers disappeared and the cage retracted into the floor. Dib saved the photos he took as he walked back up to the main floor of Zim's base. GIR was sitting on the couch, watching reruns of the Angry Monkey Show. The robot turned to look at Dib and gave him a weak smile. "H-hey, Dib-hyooman... Feeling better?"

Dib kept walking. "Fine. Just make sure you don't watch any more Fosters, okay?"

"Mm-hm." GIR noticed his master walking out as well. His disposition went from nervous to esctatic in a flash. "BIEYY MWAZTRR!"

A squeak could be heard from inside the base as Zim closed the door, disguise already on. "Okay, Dib-hyooman, where is your father?"

"In the lab, as always. Come on, we'll get right in." Dib started walking at a faster pace; one the short-legged alien was struggling to keep up with.

By the time Dib reached the laboratory entrance, Zim was a few yards behind him, breathing heavily. "What's the matter, Zim? Don't you _want_ to conquer the planet?"

Zim was hardly able to squeeze a retort between long gasps. "It's the filthy waste-filled air on this planet! It doesn't supply the nutrients sufficient to suit Zim's needs!"

Dib rolled his eyes. He whispered to NaInCom, "Activate ASC-2."

"Yes, Dib." A soft humming emanated from the laptop, unnoticable to the alien.

The alien finally reached the entrance. "So, Dib-stink, when shall we go in?"

Dib reached into his trench coat. "As soon as you're unconscious." The boy grabbed both of Zim's hands, and a loud click could be heard as handcuffs strapped onto the alien's arms. Dib toke a step back in case Zim tried to attack.

"You are a traitor to Zim! Release me!" Zim continued to shout as the alien sleep cuffs slowly weakened him. "These were... Supposed to... Be destroyed..." Zim finally fell to the ground, unconscious yet unharmed.

Dib adjusted some settings on his computer. "Good thing I saved up enough money to buy another one of these, huh NaInCom?"

The laptop spoke with a slightly worried tone. "Yes, but there may be one major flaw in the next step of your plan."

"What's that?"

"How, precisely, are you going to get to your father to show... er... _this_ to him? I assume that was the purpose of leading him here in the first place."

Dib slapped his forehead. "Of course. I still need to figure that out. Well, we have some time. With the alien sleep cuffs, we have a good three hours maximum, right?"

"Yes, yes we do. Let's get thinking."

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><p><strong>AN: It may not be exactly like trying to get into the audience of _Probing the Membrane of Science_, but it will probably be just as hard, especially when one has to drag Zim around.**

**So, good story so far? Bad?**


	2. Rebuilt Laboratory Run

**A/N: It looks like you guys are going to learn more about Membrane Laboratories quicklier than I thought. So, there will be cake. **

**April Fools! **

**But there _will_ be Portal, Pokémon, and Half-Life (since it's in the same realm as Portal) references. Prepare to be overloaded with a convoluted storyline.**

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><p>Dib concluded reciting his plan to himself. "So, plain and simple, we drag Zim from here to my father's private lab, supposing that he's there and not at a meeting or in another room. How bad can it get?"<p>

"There is only a 47% chance of this plan actually working," NaInCom calculated.

"Well, that's better than most of my plans. Let's do this!" Dib grabbed the handcuffs attached to Zim's arms to start dragging. What the boy didn't realize was how heavy Zim was - well, at least until he tried to pick the alien up. "_Agh_! How heavy can an alien so short possibly get?"

NaInCom spoke up with more numbers. "An Irken's diet only consists of snacks. They are 57% denser than the average human, or 71% denser than you. Zim weighs about 235 pounds. Unless you can carry more than three times your own weight, you might have some trouble dragging him around."

Dib was struggling to get Zim to the door. "Why thank you, Fi, but I don't think we're in Skyloft anymore. Can _you_ figure out a better plan?"

"Why yes, we only need to get Zim on something with wheels so he can move easier. A skateboard would work nicely in tight quarters, such as a hallway."

"Okay... Where do I get a skateboard?" Dib saw a group of Hi Skool freshmen riding skateboards down the street. One of them fell off of theirs, and Dib ran to grab it. He was easily able to take it without anyone noticing. He shoved Zim on top of it, placed NaInCom back into his coat, and rolled the skateboard inside. For whatever reason, there were no outdoor guards. As he walked in, he mumbled to himself, "I bet NaInCom was able to tell that those kids were coming down the street."

Inside Membrane Laboratory, Dib had to avoid attracting attention from any scientists or guards. One look could get him kicked out, and have to start from the beginning. "Hey, it's kind of like those puzzles in games where you have to sneak around..." He quieted down when he saw a scientist walk right by; not turning his head to notice the twelve-year-old running around with an unconscious alien on a skateboard. Dib just shook his head and ran onward.

When he finally came to the last door in the hall, he opened it up. Inside was what looked like a small janitor's closet, but Dib knew otherwise. Behind the various cleaning fluids and tools, there was a round door with a design of a person running. Next to the door was a DNA hand scanner. Dib plugged one end of a cord underneath the scanner and the other end into NaInCom. The computer's data was enough to count as the DNA needed to pass through. The door opened, and Dib walked inside, dragging Zim along with him.

NaInCom spoke up. "I'm surprised that your father had the technology to create a warp point all the way from here to Michigan."

"I guess it was with help from that one guy... What was his name? ... He was from some part of Japan... Kuantu, or something. Whatever. I'm sure that other guy helped Dad out."

Inside, there were all sorts of things going on: New technology was being tested, the craziest looking animals were fighting and playing, someone was shouting something about robots taking over the laboratory _again_, and so on. Dib watched all the people running around. "This is where it gets harder." Dib ran into the crowd, hoping to blend in a little.

After he got through most of the crowd, he saw the hallway that led to his father's private lab and made a break for it. He knew he had to pass by _her_ to get to his father, but he would just have to run quickly. As he passed by the opening that led to her chamber, a large cube-shaped object hit Dib in the head, knocking him onto the floor. "_Really_? You're going to throw Companion Cubes at people to get people's attention?" Dib looked inside. "Really, I don't have the time for this, GLaDOS. This is the fate of the Earth here! Who knows, they could have as much power as the Combine!"

"Oh, _sure_. That moron is going to stop the human race. You're the most believable little experiment I've ever heard speak, along with your talk of 'Bigfeet' and vampires."

"_Experiment_? I'm not an experiment! I'm as human as any of the scientists here!"

"Comparing you to a human is like comparing a Porygon to a Rattata."

"Well, at least I can move five feet forward without having to be shoved into a potato!"

While the two were fighting, Zim slowly awoke from unconsciousness. "Urgh... Where is Zim?" The alien looked around to see his archenemy fighting with a robot attached to the ceiling. Next to him was a cube with a heart on each side. The alien stood up and shouted. "Where is Zim, Dib-stink!"

Both Dib and GLaDOS turned to face the alien. Unaware of Zim's habits, GLaDOS asked, "Who's Zim? Why does this alien care about Zim so much?"

Dib sighed, slightly annoyed. "_This_ is Zim. He speaks in third person, probably due to the translation from Irken to English."

"Oh. Well, like I said, he's certainly not a part of the Combine. How could _he_ conquer Earth?"

"It's not as much Zim as it is the rest of his species. They're all much more..." Dib tried to think of a word for it. "Simply, they're all much better at their jobs than Zim."

"Zim can conquer Earth just as easily as any 'Combine'! The Irken Armada could probably beat this group of failures in less than hour!"

"Zim, do you even know what the Combine is? They were actually successful, for the most part; they wiped out most humans at the time. My father and other scientists had to completely rebuild this place after they saw it at first, after years of disrepair. If I remember correctly, GLaDOS had a big part in destro-"

The robot cut Dib off. "That isn't important. Why did you bring that creature here, Dib?"

"I'm finally going to prove that Zim's an alien, and the first person to learn this will be my father. Speaking of which, I should get going."

"Hey!" Zim quickly jumped up and slipped on the skateboard he was sitting on, causing him to fall flat on his face. He stood up again. "Does Zim have no say in whether Zim does or doesn't go?"

Dib grabbed the alien cuffs still attached to Zim's arms. He tied the cuffs onto the skateboard using some thin rope he was carrying. "Nope." The boy pushed the skateboard onward towards the room furthest down the hall.

On the door, it said: MEMBRANE LABORATORIES DIVISION.

Dib smiled. "Well Zim, it looks like your cover is finally blown." He walked inside, dragging the alien with him.

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><p><strong>AN: So, do you hate me for my dumb overwhelming ideas yet?**

**Yes? Okay, then goodbye. But the next chapter is mostly between father and son. Less ridiculous connections. Maybe one day I'll explain them to you all...**


	3. He's a Fly Child Of Course!

**A/N: The third and final chapter of this short story! Yay! **

**... That was fast.**

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><p>Dib slowly opened the door. "Hello? Dad? You in here?"<p>

Professor Membrane was standing, facing a whiteboard in the back of the room. He turned around to get a good look at his son. "Hello, little boy. How did you get in here? Aperture Science usually isn't open to tourists." The Professor only now noticed the alien struggling to escape its rope binding. "And what might that be?"

Dib wasn't shocked at his father's reaction to seeing him, but it still upset him. "Dad, I'm your _son_, Dib. Remember? The test subject that you had twelve years back? With the blood experiment?"

"Hm..." The Professor thought for a moment. For him, it really was just a moment. "Nope. But what is that thing that you have tied to a skateboard?"

Dib remembered why he was here in the first place. "Right. This creature right here is the alien that I've been fighting for two years! I finally caught him!" At being able to say those words, Dib cheered up. "This is Zim, the Irken Invader."

Professor Membrane watched the creature struggle in its place. He bent over to look at it more closely. Zim stopped his struggling to stare back at him. The Professor stood back up. "_Alien_? Are you sure?"

Dib looked confused. "Yes, of course I'm sure. What else could he be?"

"Well, a few months back, my team finished an experiment that fused a person's DNA with a fly's. This creature has the same antennae and eyes. He must've adapted very quickly for his skin to turn green this fast. He lost his wings too. Must've gotten torn off."

Dib's eye twitched. "_What_." The boy looked at Zim, then at his father. "You think Zim is just another one of your experiments? I knew neurotoxin could _kill_ someone, but I never realized it made them become blind and stupi-"

Zim interrupted. "_Yes_! I am but a humble Fly-child! This boy is completely insane and trapped me! He calls me an alien, and it hurts my feelings! Please get me out of here, Professor!"

The Professor gave Dib a stern look. "Okay, untie this helpless creature immediately. He is no alien, and it is both cruel and rude to treat him as you are, even if he _was_ an alien. You better be glad that I don't contact your parents about all this."

"But Dad!"

"Stop calling me that, will you? I only have one daughter, no sons. Now untie him and go home." Professor Membrane turned to face the whiteboard again.

"Yes, Professor Membrane." Dib untied the alien. As Zim got up, he grabbed the skateboard and hit Dib in the head with it before running off. "Ow! Hey! Get back here, Zim!" Dib ran out of the room to chase after the "Fly-child experiment".

Professor Membrane watched them run out of sight, doubt clouding his mind. "Maybe that boy was right?" He thought again. "_Nonsense_! Besides, he was crazy enough to think that I was his father, of all people! I would never have a son that insane!" The Professor closed the door.

Dib ran after Zim up until he passed by GLaDOS's chamber again. As he passed, the boy was hit in the head with another Weighted Companion Cube. He turned to look at the robot. "What is it _now_?"

"I saw that Zim ran off before he could be tested on. The rope got loose, I'm guessing?"

"No. It isn't important how he got loose or what happened. What is important is why and how you're brainwashing my father into forgetting he has a son."

GLaDOS looked offended, if the expression was possible for her. "Why would I waste _my_ time with that? If your father forgets you exist, it's no one's fault but yours!"

"Of _course_. Everything is always my fault. I forgot that for a moment; thank you GLaDOS." Dib walked away, trying to see how far Zim was ahead of him now. The alien was nowhere in sight. Dib ran to the door he entered from, finding the door was opened. He climbed through and exited the laboratory.

Once Dib got home, he took out NaInCom. "Well, it looked like that didn't work out at all."

"Not really," NaInCom replied. "You only seem to be getting more and more unlucky as time goes on."

Dib placed the laptop on the living room table. "Yes, but come on! An _experiment_? _Really_? Dad has to be in denial or something; he couldn't've been serious."

"Who knows, Dib? Maybe he knew all along, and is only messing with you."

"Yeah, sure. And he's also only kidding when he forgets who I am, right?"

NaInCom didn't respond. Dib paced the floor for a bit, and finally came to a conclusion. "You know what? I'm done. That's enough for trying to prove Zim's an alien. If anyone would know, they would figure it out already. I'm still going to stop Zim if he tries to conquer Earth, but there's no point in proving something when no one will listen."

The boy yawned. Gazing at the clock, he realized that it was a quarter to eight. "That was fast. Well, I should probably get to sleep early if I'm going to search for ghosts in the park at 4:30 AM. Goodnight, NaInCom."

As he was walking upstairs, the computer reminded him, "Don't forget to eat dinner, Dib."

The boy ran back down. "Right. How did I forget that?" He grabbed something out of the fridge and climbed upstairs, this time bringing NaInCom with him.

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><p><strong>AN: End.**

**So, was this story horrible? I'm guessing maybe.**

**Prove me wrong! Or right! Whichever you prefer!**


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